How is your temple?

Part 2

Manuka flower
Manuka flower

November 5, 2023

Manuka flower

The Emotional

Our emotions are connected to what we have experienced, believe and value. Hence, it is very important for us to be aware of the patterns of our emotions. Proverbs 23:7 “For as he thinks in his heart so is he.” This word may seem abrupt but let’s face it our thoughts affect our emotions. If we think positively, we speak, act and impact from that stream. The same goes for negative thinking.

My sisters let us address the unstable emotion: untreated traumatic experiences. Trauma is one of the most common causes of disharmony, anger, depression, unforgiveness, hatred, bitterness, among a host of emotions, that seriously affect humans. It is easy to say to someone forgive, or time heals, or it will be ok. All these gestures I believe are most times from a pure place, but that without experience and true empathy. My suggestion is, unless you have walked in those shoes or have been given a direct word from The Lord, say nothing! PRAY and if possible, a hug may prove comforting. Never underestimate the worth of prayer from the righteous.

How I dealt with unstable emotion

Trauma experienced from the stillbirth of my first child, my son.

January 23, 2003, my life changed forever. I was pregnant and past my due date, so the midwife came to my home the day before to do the routine check-up. She could not get a heartbeat. The truth is I knew something was wrong. I was engaged in a spiritual war from the conception of my child. However, I did not have the knowledge and experience I do now. Even so I was hoping for the best, not the devastating news. My mother had come from Jamaica to support me (one of the reasons why I am still here!) so she was with me when the nurse said: you need to go to the hospital. We got dressed and on arrival was sent to be examined. My ex-husband and mom were with me. The nurse did all she could to get a heartbeat…... then finally she said, ‘I am sorry but there is no heartbeat’. I will never forget those words. Everyone broke down, but I couldn’t cry, I was still in shock. I was now hoping that they would remove the baby surgically.

However, after the surgeon came to see me, his advice was no. I looked at him in despair! He then explained the implications to my life not knowing when the baby died. It was then that the spirit of God spoke to me and told me in no uncertain terms that I am in warfare, and I must be strong. ‘You need the strength to pull through’. And so, it was…. An eventful night beginning active labour at 9pm and finally 1.30am both of us were delivered. The details of my gruesome suffering will be told in my book in the near future.

They say the worst loss in life is that of a child! Isn’t that the truth? This came to rock and sink my spiritual ship. My faith was put on trial, and I was about to fail. An event that turned me into an angry, subdued, bitter and depressed woman. There was only a fraction of the once vibrant, smiling face and exciting person left. For months I cried every day. I could not be consoled. It was harder for me as my mother returned to Jamaica (trapped in her own grief, my grandfather had passed two weeks before the stillbirth). It was an extremely difficult time for the family. I had no close family in the UK. I had never felt so alone, broken, disappointed and let down. I felt God had failed me. I could not comprehend the devastation. How could he allow this to happen to me? Why me? Why Lord? Questions upon questions, and there was silence. It was my ‘Job’ moment.

I was angry with God. I couldn’t accept his will. I didn’t care about his will. All I wanted was my baby! I hurt and hurt and hurt. The pain in my heart was palpable. Like David, tears became my food. Psalm 42:3 “my tears have been my food day and night”.

It takes time and patience to heal. More than that a willingness to move forward. One night my mom called me and during the conversation, she stopped and called me by name sternly and firmly to get my attention. Can you not see what the devil is doing?! It was my turning point. I knew I had to work on getting better. The trauma had taken its toll on my emotions and was moving rapidly towards my sanity, and my faith. From that conversation I began to dig deep through my tears and woes. My biggest challenge was to learn to trust again. Trust the God who I loved so dearly and felt had let me down. I started praying earnestly in that direction, a desperate cry for help. The Lord heard me and with my determination, I gradually started smiling through the tears. (it was an effort!)

With my persistence and strong mind set to turn things around I began to take control of my emotions. I began to realign the wellbeing of my temple and felt better for it. I cannot write you a superficial story about how this all happened in four or six months. It took years to experience a complete level of deliverance. However, I learnt during those years that God loved me even when I thought he had turned his back on me. I learnt that my trials would make me stronger. And isn’t that the case today?!

After 20 years I can finally share with wider world my testimony. I choose to be honest and in so doing I know I can be a blessing to real women; my sisters who I know may have experienced similar or some other trauma that had threatened their emotional stability. Today, I am delivered and very stable in my emotions. My temple is fit for purpose as I have allowed myself to be healed and delivered through prayer, fasting and the word. Uplifting songs were also soothing to the mind. Whatever Godly counsel you require, apply this to your situation. I promise you will overcome.

If you are struggling, if you have just experienced a devastating event, I want you to know this- God loves you. He cares and he is with you. don’t give up, help is on the way!

anemone flower watercolor.